


The Past He Already Knew

by SandM1827



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Set after 3x08 Visionary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2013-07-24
Packaged: 2017-12-21 05:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandM1827/pseuds/SandM1827
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles knew that Paige had been Derek's first love. He knew it long before Peter had decided to tell the story. He also knew that even if Ennis had never bitten Paige that she'd still be dead. He knew that it wasn't and would never be Derek's fault. It couldn't be Derek's fault, because it was his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Past He Already Knew

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd so all the mistakes, and I'm sure there are plenty, are mine. 
> 
> Forgive me, this is my first time posting on AO3. The last time I uploaded a story was on fanfiction.net and it was either for General Hospital or The OC. I've written more than a few hundred over the last few years but I never upload them anymore but I just couldn't help it this time. 
> 
> Also I couldn't remember if Peter had told Stiles and Cora that he'd buried Paige or not and I haven't re-watched the episode again to find out. So in this she wasn't buried but left where some one could find her.

Stiles waited in the loft long after Peter had told the story of Derek and Paige. Cora had fallen asleep on the couch, her head in Stiles’ lap. He knew she was overwhelmed by what she had learned. She had tried hard not to let her emotions show as Peter had gone on. As soon as her uncle had left for his own apartment, the younger Hale had let the tears in her eyes fall. Stiles didn't cry. He couldn't. He needed to be strong for Cora. He needed to be strong for Derek.

What are you doing here?” The Alpha’s voice pulled Stiles from his dazed state.

Looking out the loft window, he could see the sun was starting to come up. Looking down he saw that Cora was drooling on his thigh. When he looked up to the masculine voice, he saw the carefully guarded expression.

“Peter had a story to tell.” Derek tensed as Stiles spoke. “Cora and I heard his side, which we know was filled with lies. I want to hear your version.”

“Are you having sex with my sister?” That was really not what Stiles was expecting to come out of Derek’s mouth, but looking down at the sleeping girl again he could see how the Alpha could come to that conclusion.

“No. She was sad, so I comforted her in a completely platonic way.” Stiles would admit that the Cora beautiful, but he was not attracted to her. “She tried waiting up for you but I think everything that’s happened the last few days has caught up with her.”

“You should go home. You have school tomorrow.” Normally Stiles would jump from the couch in protest as the older man stalked up the stairs. This time, though, he had to maneuver Cora out of his way without waking her.

“What’re you doing?” The groggy girl asked as she snuggled into the couch cushion after Stiles got up.

“I’m going to talk to Derek.” It was a brotherly instinct he was sure he had forgotten that had him running a hand soothingly through her hair. “Go back to sleep.”

Walking up the spiral staircase Stiles knew that he would not be welcome in the Alpha’s bedroom. He knew he would probably end up with a bruise on his back courtesy of the wall that wolf would slam him into. He didn’t care, though. This was a conversation that they should have had a long time ago.

Derek did not acknowledge his presence as he entered the room. The older man looked out the window like the moon or the sun could give him the answers to why his life was the way it was. Stiles leaned against the wall by the exit, not that he could stop the Alpha from leaving if he wanted to, but he would at least give it a try.

“I told you to go home.” He couldn’t help but chuckle, because Derek should know by now that ordering Stiles to do something was a sure fire way to get him to do that exact opposite. “I don’t care what Peter told you – “

“He told us why your eyes were blue, before you became the Alpha.” He hated how tense Derek got the moment the words came out of his mouth. “He told us about Paige. He told us about what happened to her. Now, I want you to tell me.”

“He had no right to tell you that.” The wolf turned on Stiles, his eyes blood red with anger. “You have no right to ask about her!”

“You and I both know that I have every right.” His moved into a defensive stance, bracing for a fight. “We can pretend like that day in the woods with Scott and his inhaler is the first time we’ve met, but we both know it’s not. Paige was my big sister. I have every right to know what really happened to her!”

“I loved her!” Derek yelled and Stiles knew that Cora was probably now awake and listening intently. “I loved her and I wanted her to be with me forever. I wanted to turn her. I wanted her to be my mate. The bite didn’t take and I killed her…”

“Then Peter took her body out in to the woods.” Stiles finished the story for the Alpha. “He left her close enough to the road so that her body would be found quickly.”

“Yes.” Derek whispered softly.

“My dad was only a deputy then, you know. When one of the others found her body, they called us all to meet them at the hospital. Your mom was there.” Stiles remembered the day his sister died like it was yesterday.

* * *

 

_”John,” Deputy Mercer was pale as he stopped the Stilinski family from going any further than the waiting area of the hospital. “We found Paige.”_

_“Where is she?” John had one arm around his wife’s shoulders and his free hand held Stiles smaller one. “She said she was meeting the Hale boy to study.”_

_“She never showed up.” Talia Hale stepped forward from behind the officer. “Derek had called me while I was on my way home asking if I would drive him to your house later so he could check on her. I was driving to my house when I spotted her on the side of the road.”_

_“She’s okay, though, right?” Stiles’ mother, Claudia, asked with tears already straining her voice. “She’s hurt, but she’s okay?”_

_“Maybe we should leave Stiles here and go and talk.” The Deputy looked at the eight year old in question. Instinctively, Stiles gripped his father’s hand tighter._

_“No, I wanna see Paige.” He looked up at his dad, hoping that the older man would see just how badly he needed to see her._

_“Stiles, I want you to stay out here with Deputy Jones, while your Dad and I talk to the doctor and Deputy Mercer.” His mother leaned down to his level to make him look in her eyes. “Stay here, sweetheart.”_

_His parents didn’t wait for him to respond as they followed the doctor down the hall. He knew she was getting sick again, she had been to the doctor multiple times lately. Dr. Hale, Talia’s husband, was her specialist at the hospital, but he was not here. The doctor his parents were talking to with Deputy Mercer was someone else._

_“Stiles, you stay here and I’m going to get you a soda or something, okay?” Deputy Jones waited for Stiles to nod before he went to the vending machines._

_Stiles watched his parents with the doctor. He watched how Deputy Mercer put a hand on his father’s shoulder, as if he was trying to anchor him for something. He watched how in an instant his mothers face crumbled as she cried out in anguish. He wanted to go to her but he knew he wasn’t supposed to. He wanted Paige, because Paige always made him feel better when he was sad and he knew she would make their mama feel better._

_He looked toward the side and saw a door_ Morgue _written on it. He didn’t know what it meant but he went toward it anyway. He knew his sister was in one of these rooms or he and his parents would not be here. He would look in every one of them if it meant he could find his sister. When he pushed the door open, he was hit with the terrible smell._

_“Paige?” He hoped she wasn’t in this room. She would hate the smell. Paige always smelt like hot chocolate and the coffee their mom and dad told her she was too young to drink._

_He walked further into the room. It was cold, almost like a freezer. There were hospital beds all around with white sheets pulled over them. He had seen things like it in the TV shows his father would turn off when he came into the room. He could vaguely make out the shapes of bodies underneath the sheets and it frightened him. It was not until he came across one, where the sheet hadn’t covered the body completely, that he froze._

_“Paige?” A hand was visible on the gurney. If it had not been for a ring on the middle finger of the hand then he wouldn’t knew who it was. It was a mood ring he had gotten from a machine at the carnival. He gave it to his sister for good luck when she had been sick. “Sissy?”_

_He moved closer to the body. He was shaking. Even as an eight year old he knew what he would find when pulled the sheet back. His sisters face stared back at him. Her eyes were open but they were lifeless. There was a black stain beneath her lips._

_“Sissy?” Tears formed in his eyes before he could even register why. He reached out to touch her, to run his hands through his sister’s hair, like she would do to him, just to prove that she was really there when his hand was snatched by someone else._

_“Stiles?” Talia Hale’s voice was soft and motherly but Stiles could not take his eyes off his sister enough to look at her. “You shouldn’t be in here.”_

_“I…Paige…” His voice hitched as he reached out for his sister again, only for Mrs. Hale to forcibly pick him up off the ground, keeping his sibling out of reach. “No! Paige!”_

_He called out for his sister over and over as Talia carried him out of the room. He pushed against the older woman’s shoulder, trying to push himself out of her grip but she was relentless. He could hear her whispering soothing words in his ears and he could feel her hand rubbing circles on his back but he didn’t care. His sister was in that room, she was hurt, and needed him, but Talia would not let him go so he could help._

_“Stiles!” His father’s voice was like a bomb going off as he was quickly swept out of Talia’s arms and into his dad’s familiar ones. “What were you doing in there?”_

_“Daddy, Paige is in there!” He pointed to the room he’d just been in. “She’s hurt, Daddy, we have to help her!”_

_“Oh, Stiles.” He heard his mother sob out but he couldn’t see her. His father forced his head into the crook of his neck as he started to cry as well._

_“I wanna see Paige, Daddy.” He cried as his hands tightened into his father’s uniform. “I wanna see Sissy.”_

_“You can’t see her, buddy.” His Dad’s voice was gruff and his body was trembling. “I’m so sorry, Son.”_

* * *

 

“They told us it was an animal attack.” Stiles hated that even after all this time tears still welled up in his eyes at the thought of that day. “It wasn’t until Scott turned into a wolf, and Laura’s death was labeled an animal attack, that I realized the possibility that she could have been killed by a werewolf.”

“I’m sorry.” Derek wasn’t looking at him anymore, but his voice was full of the same grief he heard in his father’s that day at the hospital. “It was my fault.”

“No, it wasn’t. If she would have been bit a year or two earlier, or hell even a few months, then she would have been fine. The bite would’ve taken.” The Alpha’s head whipped around to face him as Stiles steeled himself for what he had to say. “You killed her out of mercy, to stop her pain, but I’m the one who took her life.”

* * *

 

_“No.” Paige’s voice was adamant from her hospital bed. “He’s only seven years old…I won’t…no.”_

_“Paige,” Dr. Hale looked from the younger woman to her parents and younger brother. “Your mother is a match for you as well, but she’s in poor health. Given your rare blood type, it’s amazing that you have two family members that are both matches for you. I can put you on a donor list but there is no guarantee – “_

_“You want me to take my little brothers kidney? No.” Paige’s body was already weak. Her eyes were sunken in with large bags beneath them. “You told me how dangerous it is.”_

_“It would be dangerous no matter who gave you the kidney.” David Hale held the statistics in his hand. “Your brother is in excellent health, and though he’d be in a lot of pain through recovery, his youth could allow him to recover easier than an adult.”_

_“He could die in surgery.” Paige had tears in her eyes as he younger brother climbed onto the hospital bed beside her. “I can’t…”_

_“I wanna help, Paige.” Stiles held tightly to his sister as she ran a loving hand through his hair. “I can help. I’ll make you all better.”_

_“He wants to help, Paige.” Gwen sat in the chair beside her daughter. “Let him do this.”_

_“He could die in surgery. I could reject the kidney. You could lose us both.” Her arms tightened around Stiles at the thought of it. “Why take that risk?”_

_“Because, you’re my sister.” The small boy replied as he looked into Paige’s identical brown eyes. “I’m gonna help.”_

_“He’s already made up his mind, Paige.” John stood next to Dr. Hale, his hands shoved in his pockets so his children wouldn’t see them shaking. “We’ve already explained the risks the best we could to him. He wants to help his big sister.”_

_“Please, Sissy? Let me help.”_

_“Okay, okay.”_

* * *

 

“I didn’t know she was sick.” Derek couldn’t remember if he had smelt sickness on her before she died. “She never told me.”

“We did the transplant a year before you two met.” Stiles bit his lip as he looked at the ground. “A few months later we found out her body was rejecting my kidney. They put her on medication that she would have been on the rest of her life. We thought she was getting better. Not long after you two started seeing each other we found out the medication wasn’t working the way it should.”

* * *

 

_“So, what now?” Paige asked Dr. Hale as they sat in his office. “I’m rejecting my brother’s kidney and he can’t exactly give me another one and even if he could I would never ask that of him.”_

_“Now you go back on the transplant list and we try different medications.” David looked tired as he gave the news to the Stilinski family. “If we have to we will admit you back into the hospital.”_

_“Great.” Paige sunk further into her chair. “More pills, more hospitals.”_

_“I’m sorry.” The small voice beside her sounded close to tears. “I’m sorry it didn’t help.”_

_“Stiles,” Paige pulled her little brother into a hug. “It’s not your fault. You did help me. My body…it just doesn’t work like it’s supposed to. It’s not your fault.”_

_“I was supposed to help. I was supposed to make you better.” The younger boy cried into his sisters arms._

_“You did make me better, buddy, for a little while you did.” The younger woman looked to her parents for guidance but all’s they could do is hold back their own tears. She looked up at Dr. Hale to ask for another favor. “Please don’t tell Derek about this. I’m meeting with him tonight, to study, and I swear I’ll tell him but please….”_

_“Doctor-Patient Confidentiality, sweetie.” David replied solemnly. “I can’t say anything to him.”_

* * *

 

“She left to meet you right after that appointment. The next time I saw her she was lying on a slab in the morgue.” Stiles glanced back up at the Alpha. “I was supposed to save her. My kidney was supposed to save her but it didn’t. If it had been doing what it was supposed to do then she would have survived the bite. I couldn’t save her.”

“Stiles, “ Derek came toward him his hands held out in front of him like he was going to grab Stiles. “You didn’t –“

“She didn’t want to go through the pills and the dialysis and the pain and the hospitals and the waiting.” He felt the tears slide down his face. “She didn’t want to die slowly. You, whether you knew it or not, gave her a way out. You didn’t kill her, Derek, not really. You saved her from a slow death and she would’ve thanked you for it. I killed her and, in a way, you saved her. I just thought you should know that.”

He didn’t wait for Derek to respond. He turned and walked away. He didn’t spare Cora a glance when he knew alls he would see is pity. He could vaguely hear both the Hale’s call out his name as he exited the loft but he couldn’t turn around. He could not stay. He had absolved Derek of the Alpha's guilt. Now, he just had to live with the crushing weight of his own.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't specify a disease because I only researched a little bit (forgive me this was a three am insomnia written fic), and I didn't want to go into a whole lotta detail about something I know next to nothing about.


End file.
